UNIVERSAL LAWS

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dougal
Posts: 103
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2009 8:50 pm
Location: Northern Marion county

UNIVERSAL LAWS

Post by dougal » Sat Jul 17, 2010 1:15 am

UNIVERSAL LAWS

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
The very definition of stability is resistance to change; and the more change there is, the less stability there is.

zeko
Posts: 124
Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:31 pm
Location: Central Ohio

Re: UNIVERSAL LAWS

Post by zeko » Wed Apr 06, 2011 3:43 pm

20. Alternative law of mechanical repair

(A) If a plate requires 12 setscrews to install, the 12th one will be as hard to install as the other 11 combined.

(B) When you finally get the 12th setscrew installed, you will discover that you left the gasket off.

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bruceg
Posts: 72
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2011 2:50 am
Location: Mo.

Re: UNIVERSAL LAWS

Post by bruceg » Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:17 am

Thuds First Law: If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
Albert Einstein

NRA- Life Member

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Joe Sixpack
Posts: 3319
Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2009 5:53 pm
Location: Columbus

Re: UNIVERSAL LAWS

Post by Joe Sixpack » Thu Dec 20, 2012 10:35 pm

"15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about."

Oh ya, love that one.

here's one
Law of sales, Any item you've bought after having waited to go on sale and not, Will immediately go on sale.

Law of accumulation, If you've recently acquired a long desired item, you'll soon end up with 2.
  • If you can't hit the broad side of a barn, You're not using enough bullets.
  • Zombies are the Trash-men of Humanity.
  • Certified Ammosexual, lolzImage

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Ken45
Posts: 945
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2011 3:31 pm
Location: Aberdeen (Brown Co)

Re: UNIVERSAL LAWS

Post by Ken45 » Fri Dec 21, 2012 7:27 am

Murphy was an optimist!
aka OhioPaints

AaronM

Re: UNIVERSAL LAWS

Post by AaronM » Fri Dec 21, 2012 11:57 am

21. When ever your shoe makes a farting sound you cant repeat it to prove it wasnt you who farted.
22. Its inevitable that if the elevator stinks you will be the only one in it when someone walks in.

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