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Post subject: For AlanM..........
Post Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2013 1:13 pm
things to do in an elevator


1.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4.Call a Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5.Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?", and let the doors close.

6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12.Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again."

15.Swat at flies that don't exist.

16.Tell people that you can see their aura.

17.Call out "Group Hug!", then enforce it.

18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off, ever.

21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26.Draw a little circle around yourself on the floor and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"

27.Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

28.Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.

29.Hold an auction.

30.Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

31.Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.

32.Throw a rave.

33.Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei."

34.Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

35.Hum the first seven notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.

36.When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?"

37.Lean over to another rider and whisper "Noogie patrol coming!"

38.Have a heated debate with yourself.

39.Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

40.Drum on every available surface.

41.Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.

42.Stroke your chin and ask other passengers to tell you about their mothers.

43.Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

44.Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

45.Propose to the other passengers.

46.Challenge people to duels.

47.Sell girl scout cookies.

48.Bring a large pile of ice. Build a small igloo on the floor.

49.Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."

50.Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

51.Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a light.

52.Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend.

53.Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers.

54.Shout "Food fight!"

55.Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"

56.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

57.Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.

58.Do Riverdance.

59.Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

60.Make sushi.

61.Press your nose against the other passengers, and say "You know, this is what the Eskimos used to do before having sex."

62.Shave.

63.Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

64.Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.

65.Practice kung fu.

66.Make race car noises when people get on and off.

67.Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"

68.Fly a model airplane.

69.Do yoga.

70.Play the accordion.

71.Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.

72.Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.

73.Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.

74.Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."

75.Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.

76.Ask someone "guess what?" When they respond with "what?," say "guess what?" again. Repeat until the person responds angrily, then say "I was only asking a question." Then start talking loudly to someone else in the elevator about "how some people really need to learn how to control their temper."
77.Ask someone if they have an extra pair of underwear with them. Tell them it's just because you have a disorder that causes uncontrollable bowel movements whenever you stop or start moving suddenly, and you forgot to pack your "elevator panties."

78.Sit in the corner, rocking back and forth, muttering to yourself in a loop "And when it finishes going down it goes up and people get on but when they get on they always get off and the ones getting off are never the ones getting on and the doors open but they always close but when the doors close no one gets on and it goes down and when it finishes going down it goes up..."

We can rebuild him, we can make him stronger, we can make him faster, we can make him politically correct..NOT !!!

"Criminals obey "gun control" laws in the same manner politicians follow their oaths of office."
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Post subject: Re: For AlanM..........
Post Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2013 5:19 pm
38. I do that all the time anyway. No, I don't! Yes, I do! No, I don't! Yes, I do!

67. Dr. Who reference?????

AlanM
There are no dangerous weapons; there are only dangerous men. - RAH
Four boxes to be used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo - use in that order.
If you aren't part of the solution, then you obviously weren't properly dissolved.
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Post subject: Re: For AlanM..........
Post Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2013 5:29 pm
AlanM wrote:
38. I do that all the time anyway. No, I don't! Yes, I do! No, I don't! Yes, I do!

Shades of Robin Williams!

I'd like to talk about the very serious condition of schizophrenia... No he doesn't... SHUT UP AND LET HIM TALK!

Christian, Husband, Father
NRA Life Member
NRA Certified Range Safety Officer
NRA Certified Pistol & Rifle Instructor
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Post subject: Re: For AlanM..........
Post Posted: Sun Aug 04, 2013 3:23 am
I DO NOT have multiple personalities, and neither do I.

Seriously, you're just jealous because the voices don't talk to you too.

AlanM
There are no dangerous weapons; there are only dangerous men. - RAH
Four boxes to be used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo - use in that order.
If you aren't part of the solution, then you obviously weren't properly dissolved.
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